Everyday tales of the Marvel Universe
by jarec
Summary: Day to day life in a world of supervillains, aliens, and mutants.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This will be a series of short stories about life in the Marvel Universe. However, heroes (and villains) won't necessarily be the stars of these pieces. Instead, the series will focus on how ordinary (and not-so ordinary) people deal with day-to-day life in an extraordinary world.

Please note that all events occur before Civil War. Which was amazing.

We begin with a television program entitled:

HEROES TONIGHT!

With Your Hosts, Ana Parks and Steve Reget

Ana: Hello, and welcome to Heroes Tonight!

Steve: The show that lets you know the LATEST about your favorite men and women of mystery!

Ana: Tonight, we'll be speaking with with Rick Jones about his new book, we'll hear the latest in gossip from Sheila Terrise, interview the award-wmning photographer Peter Parker, andspeak with one of the longest lasting couples within the superhero community.

Steve: Sounds great, but first, all of us here at Heroes Tonight would like to wish Ben Grimm a very happy birthday. Happy Birthday, Thing! We all hope you keep clobberin' for many many years to come!

Ana: And now, he's the aauthor of "Gentle Giant: My Years with the Hulk", Rick Jones!

(Rick's face appears in a miniscreen in the upper right corner. The words Live from Colorado are written across the bottom)

Rick: Hi Ana! Great to be on the show.

Ana: Great having you. Tell us, why did you feel the need to write this book?

Rick: Well Ana, the Hulk gets a lot of bad press, most of it from the military. I thought it was time someone told the otherside of that story. Y'know, how the Hulk's saved the world about a dozen times or so. So, I wrote down a few of the better stories, and next thing I know I'm on the Bestseller list!

Ana: Weren't you ever frightened by your traveling compainion?

Rick: Sometimes a little. I mean, the Hulk is so strong he might have hurt me without meaning to. Most of the trouble he caused was accidental. But, on the otherhand, if you're traveling with the Hulk, who's going to bother you, right?

Ana: hahaha, guess not too many people. But, isn't it true that the military sought to block your book from being published?

Rick: Yeah. They said it was because it gave away military secrets, about the gamma bomb and Hulkbusters and such. But I think it was because the army doesn't exactly come off as heroes in most of these stories. I mean, they spent billions of dollars and several years hunting a creature who just wanted to be left alone.

Ana: Thanks for being with us Rick. I for one reaaly enjoyed reading your book. Now over to Sheila with this weeks Super-gossip! Sheila?

Sheila Terrisse: Thanks Ana. Well, the buzz from Tinseltown is that one superhero will be making a return to the big screen. That's right, the Avenger's Wonderman will be starring in Minimaxi's upcoming _Minuteman_. In a departure for the hunky hero, he will play a regular human during the Revolutioary War. Sounds like a hit to me.

Sheila: A more sensational rumor comes to us from the Superhero capital of the world, New York City. The word on the street is that SpiderMAN and SpiderWOMAN may be more than just colleagues. Following their battle against Doctor Octopus, many in the Big Apple have come to believe there may be a more _intimate_ connection between the Spiderpeople. Take a look.

(Video of Spiderman and Spiderwoman battling Doc Ock followed interviews with witnesses)

Police Officer: Well, I mean they worked so well together. Like they were a perfect team wit' years of experience, y'know? Plus there was a lot of banter; he was cracking jokes left an' right an' she was flirting like nobody's business.

Well dressed Woman: Wlell. I think its obvious. SpiderMAN, SpiderWOMAN. Obviously they've been dating for a while, if they aren't married.

Firefighter: I dunno, the way they look out for one another kinda reminds me of my own parents, who were both cops. Always watching one anotheres back.

Sheila:Are the Spiderpeople a Spidercouple? We'll keep you updated. Now over to you, Steve.

(Steve sits across from Peter Parker on a different set. Peter has a look on his face that mixes horror, embarassment and terror)

Steve: Thanks Sheila. Quite a rumor. Before we start the interview, what doYOU think, peter? I mean, you probably know as much about Spiderman as anyone.

Peter:…w-well I, uh, that is…ahem. I don't think its true, to be honest with you. I mean, I've been snapping pictures of Spiderman for years, and I've only ever seen him with Spiderwoman about a half-dozen times. I mean, I've seen him with the black Cat MUCH more often. N-Not that there's anything between THEM either! And I'd just like to say hello to my lovely, talented, kindhearted, amazing and UNDERSTANDING wife, Mary-Jane. I have a feeling we'll have lots to talk about later.

Steve: Ha ha, you lucky dog. Anyway, as you yourself said, you've taken more photos of Spiderman than anyoe else. Tell us what made you decide to specialize in the Webhead. Do you two have some sort of arrangement, or what?

Peter: Well, I never actually decided that. It just kind of turned out that way. I mean, the guy's not exactly low profile. And my old boss loves to hate Spiderman, so there was a ready market for photos of him. So, I just keep my eyes open, and rush to whereever he's been seen.

Steve: Lets talk about your boss for a little while. JJ Jameson is one of Spidermans biggest detractors, and yet you seem to have no trouble working for him. I mean, any newspaper in the city would be thrilled to have you on staff, yet you remain content to freelance for the Daily Bugle. Why?

Peter: Well, part of it is the staff. I mean, I've been freelancing for them since I was a teenager, so the Bugle staff has become like a second family to me. A lot of times, there were problems in my life I felt I couldn't talk about with anyone, only to unload to Robbie Robertson or betty Brant or one of the others.

Steve: UhHuh.

Peter: And another thing is, ol' JJJ isn't really that bad a person. Yes, he hates Spiderman, and costumed heroes in general. On the other hand, he's risked his life to expose organized crime, he's passionately fought for civil rights, he's totally free of racial, sexual, religious or genetic a/n: anti-mutant prejudice. He's always paid me afair price for my photos, and probably a more than fair price when he knew I neede money. He's not going to win mister congeniality anytime soon, but I can think of far worse bosses to have.

Steve: hahaha. That's great, peter. Tell me, what would you say your favorite photo is?

Peter:hmmm… well, I won an award for that photo I took of Spiderman in his black costume battling the Puma, but in truth, I'd have to say it was the shot of Spideran's last battle against the Jackal. Excellent resolution, and an action-packed shot.

Steve:you mentioned your wife earlier. What's it like married to the star of _Secret hospital_, and fashion model, Mary-Jane Watson Parker?

Peter: hahahaha. Well, despite being asked that everyday, its not really something I can put into words yet. I hope to be able to come up with an answer over the next few decades. All I can say is, she's the best thig that ever happened to me. No woman I've ever met can even begin to make me feel as complete as she does.

Steve: Thanks Peter, I hope you keep on clicking. Back to you Ana.

Ana: Thanks Steve. And as a personal note to Mister Parker, I thought your first photo of the wallcrawler was the best. Our last piece tonght is an interview with the longest-lasting couple in Herodom, please give a warm welcome to Reed and Sue Richards!

Sue: Hi Ana! I love this show!

Reed: Pleased to be here Ana.

Ana: Mr and Mrs Richards, tell us. You;ve been together for nearly twenty years now, in a business where couples come and go overnight. Is everything as perfect as it seems?

Reed: Well, Ana, I suppose we're no different than any other couple really. We have our little arguments, marital spats. There're times when Sue won't give me my space, or when I'm too distracted. We argue over work like other couples who work together. Though (chuckles) I very much doubt other couples argue over how to save the planet, or what to do about Latveria.

Ana: Would you say there were any close calls? Times you didn't think you could make it together?

Sue: its sad to say but yes. There've been times when the arguing and the fighting got so bad, we thought about divorce. Over children, for example. There was a point when I was desperate to be a mother- I could feel my biological clock ticking, or so I thought. But Reed was worried about what the cosmic rays might have done to our DNA.

Reed: I wanted to study the issue more before we made any decisions. I wanted to eb sure a child of ours would be relatively healthy, and that pregnancy wouldn't endanger Sue. But, I suppose I phrased it badly…

Sue: Yes, dear. As I recall, your words were "I want to be sure itturns out the way we want".

Reed (wincing);Well, I was too worried to really think before I spoke…

Sue: I know, and eventually we agreed to wait a while longer.

Ana: What tips would you give a married couple just starting out?

Reed: Hmm… well, first off never go to bed angry. Settle the problem when it occurs, don't let it fester.

Sue:Men, make time to communicate with your wives.

Reed:Women, remember that men are often less verbal than you are. He may not want to talk all the time.

Sue:and be sure to keep your love lives as exciting as possible.

Ana (raising an eyebrow): Oh? Care to comment further on that?

Reed (Blushing furiously): NO! She wouldn't!

Sue:Let's just say that I'm very glad that Reed has the power to stretch…EVERY…part of his body. And for his general…flexibility

Reed:SUE!!

Sue: Trust me, sweetie. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Reed: (puts his head in his hands and groans)

meanwhile at Four Freedoms Plaza, Ben Grimm and Johnny Storm are on the floor in paroxysms of laughter. Alicia Masters is on the couch, covering her mouth to hide her own giggles

Ana: Thanks Sue, Reed. This has been very enlightening and that's all the time we have folks.

Steve: join us next week when we'll be interviewing occultist and celebrity hypnotist Steven Strange, and the monarch of Latveria, Doctor Doom!

Ana: I just hope they aren't on the same set together.

Steve:haha, good night America!

The End


	2. Ol' Softy

She hadn't meant for it to happen. SHe'd been typing up her column, just as she always did (Society Scandals by Tara Rits), when she suddenly felt very warm. Very VERY warm. And the next thing she knew, flames were bursting from her hands!

All hell had broken loose and right quick. The desk, the computer, and a goodly portion of the Daily Bugle'soffice had caught fire. Thankfully, Peter-something-or-other (the photographer) managed to douse the flames with a fire extringuisher. But, sadly, not before she, Tara Rits (nee Tansy Bupp) had been exposed as a mutant. Already, a mere five hours later, her career was over. Many of her so-called freinds (like that nice guy Jim in the Editing department) were ciculating a petition to get her fired. And that wasnt't the worst of it.

She was a 24 year old Journalism Graduate who'd been outed as a mutie. She'd lost the greatest job she cvould ever have- the job she'd dreamed about when she was a little girl growing up in a trailer park. She'd gotten to mix with the very cream of Society, to be among them as one of them. She'd had Emily Vanderwall (of the Manhatten Vanderwalls doncherknow) sucking up to her at the Winter Ball. Now Emily Pure-And-Proud Vanderwall (of the 100 human Vanderwalls) probably wouldn't cross the street to spit on her. And that wasn't the worst of it.

She was part of a despised and downtrodden minority. She was cursed with dangerous powers she couldn't control. All she had to look forward to was death threats, social ostracism, and waiting to accidentally kill someone. Ant even THAT wasn't the worst of it.

The worst of it was she was waiting for her 2:30 appointment with J. Jonah Jameson.

Tara had made up her mind. She'd resign first thing, before he even opened his mouth. She'd avoid the yelling, the cursing, the screaming, the epithets (he hated superheroes, she just KNEW he had epithets for mutants), and leave with what little dignity she had left.

The secretary nodded to Tara. "He'll see you now" she said, almost as though she was totally unaware that she was sending a young girl into the lions den.

he was sitting at his desk, glaring at her even before she was fully inside the room. She had the feeling he'd been glaring for a while, that he'd had a very bad day and was waiting for someone to vent on. The way his teeth gripped the cigar, the way his hands gripped the armrests of his chair, all of them spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E.  
"M-Mister J-j-Jameson, before you say anything, I resign. I..." she began. She had made a quick plan of what to say. Sorry for all damage, will pay back, many happy years, need tgo leave with dignity, walk out door. This was not to be.

"RESIGN?!! LIKE HELL YOU DO!!" Jameson exploded. For a man pushing sixty who smokes two to three cigars every day, the old boy certainly had lung power "How in the blazes will you work of a thirty thousand dollar debt to me then?! J Jonah Jameson is noones fool, miss Rits, and if you think you can burn down MY newspaper and skip merrily away, you're WRONG!! You will be working at this paper for a ver, VERY long time, because you're damn sure not getting any raises in the foreseeable future! Moreover, you can say goodbye to half your vacation time for the next few years, because I'm sending you to that Xavier school one week a year for training and its damn sure not coming out of the company's time!" He stopped to puff on his cigar, his eyes still filled with fire.

Tara was ready to scream at him. This wasn't the nineteenth century, she couldn't be pressganged into his lousy paper for life... then she she stopped focussing on the words he'd used and considered what he'd actually SAID. She wasn't fired. Her job was secure. She'd get help controlling her powers. SHE COULD STAY.

"B-But" she stammered, overwhelmed by being handed a pardon by the executioner "M-my co-workers... the p-petition..."

"Oh your coworkers? YOUR COWORKERS?!!" he roared. Amazingly, it seemed the volcano could explosive twice in a row "Well, miss Rits, its a very funny thing. Your COWORKERS just so happen to be my EMPLOYEES!!! So, I really don't give a DAMN WHAT THEY SAY, OR WHAT DAMNFOOL PETITION THEY SIGN!! And if any of them so much as HINTS that they might be unhappy with my decisions, they can come and talk to ME!! AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?!!!"

Tara felt like smiling. He'd just told her to refer all bigots and complainers to him, the Bullpen Pitbull. But she couldn't smile, it might ruin it. Instead she glared right back "I WILL!! And I'll be free of you inside FIVE YEARS!!" She stormed out and slammed the door. She hummed all the way back to what was left of her desk.

-+-+-+-+-+

Alone again in his office, Jameson sighed. Poor girl, life wasn't going to be easy for her. Contrary to most people's expectations, he wasn't a mutant hater. True, he despised superheroes but only as he despised any group that put itself above the law. As far as he was concerned mutants either made headlines (good), wrote headlines (also good), or bought papers (very very good). Whichever they were, they were PEOPLE. J Jonah Jameson had a lot of flaws, but bigotry wasn't among them.

Still he was angry. Four new computers melted, smoke and heat damage to the walls, the copier was down-mostl ikely for good- and five desks to be replaced. Not to mention the lost time the whole mess cost him (always a critical factor in any paper). It was damn sure they'd lost that big scoop Parker'd brought in, since the other papers'd would have time to catch up. Hell, they might end up BEING scooped! The very thought set his teeth on edge.

Then there was the staff! Half of them were calling Rits a safety hazard, or a filthy mutie, or what-the-hell-ever, and demanding she be fired. The other half were demanding she be allowed to stay. Although he supported worker's rights, Jameson was unused to HIS employees making demands. Usually, they were too frightened of him to say much more than 'Yes,sir, right away sir'. As God intended.

All in all, the day was enough to make him wonder why he ever got into publishing. _Law Enforcement, that's it. I should have been a cop. At least then, if people gave me this many problems, I would have a gun ready._

"Mister Jameson, that young man from the editing department is here with a petition"

He sighed "I'm REALLY not.." he paused. A very bad day. A bigoted, obnoxious, and above all, EXPENDABLE employee...

"on second thought, send him right in. I am EXACTLY in the mood for this."

He smiled, and lit a fresh cigar. The day was about to get better.

For him, anyway.

End

A/N: I like ol' JJJ. Hard as Nails exterior, a good man beneath it. Not soft and fluffy, but he's been helping Peter out for years- buying photos just because he knew Petey needed money. And honestly, look at the panel wear he sees Spiderman unmask in Civil War and then tell me it isn't the funniest thing you'rve ever seen. I dare you!


End file.
